It's easy to just coast through life not really noticing or acknowledging how much has really happened in just 12 short months. Last on New Years Eve I attended my churches Burning Bowl ceremony which consists of setting our intention and desire in the form of a letter for the year ahead and writing down then releasing by tossing the letter into a burning bowl that which does not serve us.
A week ago I got my letter of intention for this year that I wrote last year - I was BLOWN AWAY to say the least. About 90% of what I wanted more of in my life actually happened, I think that is a pretty darn good return on my investment! Maybe it was sharing my heartfelt desire with God with an open heart, maybe my subconscious took over to make my hearts desire come to pass, maybe it was a combination of the two.... I really don't know all I do know is that I'm extremely grateful for what has come to pass.
Last year at this time my marriage was rapidly falling apart to the point where I had an appointment with an attorney to start divorce proceedings and my husband had signed the required paperwork releasing financial information. It was to the point that I thought that there really wasn't any hope left. My youngest son was struggling tremendously with school, at home and with all aspects of life. My oldest child and I were at odds trying to figure out our new roles of mother and out of the house almost adult son and it was pretty rocky to say the least. My horse was so lame that just walking caused him tremendous pain and I thought that I would have to put him down. Those were the big ones that I'll mention which illustrates that things were a little less than rosy.
Here's a portion of what I wrote on December 31st 2009: Thank you Father for helping me find the strength to heal the relationships in my life. Thank you for the loving, fun and joyous relationship I enjoy with my husband. Thank you for helping me help my youngest find his way and thank you for helping me let my oldest go without losing him.
My husband and I now laugh regularly with each other and I feel loved and adored by him and in turn do my best to let him know in words and deeds how much he means to me. My youngest has the best grades he's ever had, has lots of friends and a girlfriend who adores him and a job! My oldest son and I have a very happy loving relationship with each other that has shifted from parent and child to parent and self sufficient young independent adult. As a family we all really like spending time together enjoying each others company. My horse is healthy, fit and completely sound.
It was funny but I had completely forgotten all about the letters I wrote a year ago last night. This led me to think about all the life that has happened to me over the course of the past year. I am so eternally grateful that changing the future course of my life is only a determined mind set away. It is always within my power to change how I 'show up' in my life. I can change the course of what is happening in my life at any time. If I don't like a situation then I can change how I act and think about the situation at any time.
I had to become willing to completely let go of my marriage and walk away in order to help create the space needed for allowing change to happen. I never stopped loving my husband, I just was unwilling to live life with him as we were any longer. I decided that I could no longer jump in and save my youngest, he needed to learn how to succeed on his own. I did find an AMAZING counselor who helped him tremendously. I became willing to start seeing my oldest as a young man as opposed to my little boy. I became willing to put my horse down if need be. All these things were extremely hard on my heart but all necessary for me to let go and move forward. I learned how to let go and trust that I would still be cared for, get my needs met and be able to thrive. This was a VERY important lesson for me.
The first step to great healing always begins with becoming willing, willingness to be open to change and then becoming willing to let go of that which no longer serves our greatest good. My hope for you this year is that you become willing, to let go of those things that no longer serve you and to be open to all the good things that God has in store for you. May 2011 be your best year EVER!
Here's to you in Health, Wellness and Fitness!
Jennifer Malocha CEO of Fun at Wuhoo Fitness
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